Not tryna sound depressing but you know that feeling when you were just coming into adulthood & it's nighttime in some social setting floating & experiences still felt new maybe even your 1st time in a new city/place
& s*** like meeting a new girl still felt special. Almost like the connotation of a movie

I can't put it into words bc even I forgot how it FEELS but I'm kinda on a sleep deprived high and
I got a SPARK of that from seing something and have been siting here for 1hr trying yo extend it lol

I swear to Gid I havent felt like that in so long I forgot it was reachable. Maaan I feel like a zombie nowadays in comparison just distracting myself with endless work and reliving the same thing, or even going out nowadays feels so bland in comparison just lock myself in more. Damn this inspired me to take a flight to another city or something to try to chase novelty and excitement
It's like Ive been gradually losing myself but you dont notice until your connotation of life completely changes

Feeling it is completely different from just saying or thinking about the past or whatever I can't explain but trying to replicate this. Actually gave me some hope

I guess that this is growing up

Yeah in some sense but I'm trying not to make it seem like a "childhood nostalgia" thing it's slightly different. I think we can replicate different modes of being and we become stuck in our outlooks gradually through years of our outlooks becoming hardened.

The brain is a prediction reinforcement engine so that's literally what it does over time (free energy principle) even down to over-fitting minima/maxima from recent experiences. Which is why (as you kinda inferred) nostalgic ppl look back at their childhood like they can never achieve that level of freedom or love surrounding them again from years of school/work/failed relationships or whatever "beating" them into dolidifying channels of neural activity. All solidified beliefs based on the brain's processes of error minimization but really there's a whole world beyond that they're not calculation

Hard to word it but trust me I been in a rut and just got a spark of something completely different I forgot was possible to experience again, as if I was tripping for being depressed
For example when I take DXM (not to make this about taking anything though lol but certain chemicals can help "break out" of thinking patterns, and literally Robitussin enhances your mind's ability to go anywhere and DEEPLY feel it at will it's weird) I learned can completely warp my connotation of life in a way and go to a certain qualities that I mightve even felt like "I'm never gonna be happy again" normally.
So much room for therapeutics we haven't scratched the surface on

sounds like you need a city break

"It's like Ive been gradually losing myself but you dont notice until your connotation of life completely changes"

Unfortunately this jus how growing up feels in this era. U become essentially a slave to the financial system, putting 90% of ur time and effort into work. Ive been going thru the same thing where im losing time and interest in things i used to love

Also ik what u mean about having new emotions or feeling inspired. I honestly feel like thats why i drink and smoke weed an s***, cus it makes everything feel new and exciting

I get these feelings now from drum and bass and playing old games like

Skies of arcadia
Metroid prime
Kingdom hearts

Im getting nostalgia pangs from things i did in the last year

take your meds and get some sleep man

no let op explore

i lack a lot of experiences in life because ive been raised fairly repressive and taught to fear the world, so im in a weird spot where when i do end up doing stuff thats not your everyday motions, its still new to me, though i‘m racing towards 30 lol

some things i still havent done in life, i never been to a club in my life, i never been on vacation with friends or a gf and probably some other things that seem essential to most i cant even think of right now.

yet idk if or when i make these experiences i will feel the same joy i would have if i had made them as a younger person. i still very much am tainted by lifes horrors and the mundanity of it all like everyone else. just without the same level of experience as most people.

This happens to me like twice a year and it only ever lasts a few seconds. Brutal stuff.

I always try to frame it as "my brain is still capable of feeling this", which is encouraging compared to the idea that you can never feel that way again.