Hang on

We gon make it one day

i hate myself so much

i hate myself so much i hate myself i hate myself i despise myself i can‘t stand myself i hate who i am i hate the life i live i hate where i‘m from i hate what they did to me i hate that this is my fate i hate i‘m such a loser i hate myself i hate myself i‘m a f***ing failure and i never amounted to s*** never did s*** never done s*** all these years all i did was hurt all i did was pain all i did was hurt i never did good i can‘t do good i never did i‘m worthless and pointless i‘m a piece of garbage and i never deserved the privilege of life i dont deserve to breathe i dont deserve anything i dont deserve s*** i hate myself sooooooooooiii f***ikkg muchjjhhh its so unbearable being in this f*** asss nody im so f***ing tired im sooo f***ing tired im so f***ingngng tired all this f***ass time all these f***ing years for nothing im so tired im so tired i dont want to be trapped here anymore im tired im tired im so tired

IM SO F***ING TIREDDDDDDDF MALE THIS F***KASHSJS S*** SORP GONALLY IM SOF U NGOBG DONEN WITH THIS DUMBASS S***UGCKIAAS JULLSHIT IM SOF CUNOGN DONE WOTH TIT ALLÖ AWORHVIT ALLL IMMYONFUCKONNT DOKENNENNENEE

i been going thru some of my memories realizing ive done a lot of super cringe/awkward s*** and i didnt even notice till now

there was this girl i went to school with, typical hot white girl type s***, for some reason i talked a lot of s*** about her to other friends despite her being nice af to me

then there was this time when someone recorded me being funny for like a school project and i literally screamed DONT PLAY IT so much they decided not to play it

like in my mind i thought i was like this sexy loner nerd type dude when in reality im just a weird awkward mess

anyways i noticed a lot of people seem to not fw me and now i see why, i always thought it was jealousy but now i see its cus im genuinely probably severely autistic

whats so weird too is its like i enter these fugue states where im a total d***head. i think its the bipolar s*** idk but its sad cus thats definitely not who i rly am

Between looking at everything Trump and Epstein related my mental health is gutterballing. Very difficult not to be cynical.

I would speak to a professional man. I've been there myself so, so, many times.

Life has been railing me bro no cap

Ive stayed strong for months but now i feel so lost and no one wants to help at all. Im not talking about ppl telling me nice things, i need serious advice, should i be a teacher? Data a***yst? Post doc? Simple quick questions and EVERYONE is ghosting me, people i thought rly cared about me

Im too strong to have any suicidal thoughts, but after a while suicidal thoughts become homicidal

i literally made it to the final round of 3 interviewees at a major company that received over 1000 applicants

but no one else has even thrown me an interview. i wonder if its me or just the market sucks

man

Healinng childhood self by doing dumb asf things .. its bitter sweet but its healing

They upped my meds and i genuinely feel no difference besides wanting to s*** all the time and erectile dysfunction

Last night was f***ing brutal I didn’t take sleep meds since like Friday? And I’m waking up every 20 minutes throat just dry and in pain

but time waits for no man
and death waits with cold hands
I'm the youngest old man
that ya know If ya soul intact, let me know

Hello darkness, my old friend

life after school is hard bro

I wish I could simply decide that certain things no longer matter to me and let that be the end of it.

Turned myself into the hospital 1 day ago. Was having multiple panic attacks related to ptsd (I think?).

Was only there for a few hours before they sent me back with meds.

Guys please protect your mental health. I know it can sometimes be seen as “embarrassing” but rather this than something worse happening.

Any of y’all have experience with Ativan or Lorazepam? I’m gonna be on this for the next week.

Feeling really tired so taken time off work.

i need a girlfriend with schizoaffective disorder/schizophrenia/bipolar disorder/depression, autism, adhd, and/or ocd

I realized that I’m not a good person. Or rather, I’ve done a lot of things that hurt people and, inadvertently, hurt myself. I know some of those people will never forgive me. I’ve accepted that.

I’m trying not to hate myself because that’ll get me nowhere if I’m seeking true change. But how do I deal with the shame of what I’ve done while not letting it consume me?

I kinda feel like Anakin Skywalker rn…