Love brother

there’s a wonderful man who’s a regular at the cafe i work at. he came in the other day and telling me about an event he went for (idk what he does exactly but it has to do with suicide prevention and resources for stuff like that)

he was just talking about different stats and what percentage of people are struggling more right now. i brought up how i go through 3-6 months of wondering if i need a therapist and then 3-6 months of feeling fine and not worrying about it

he cut me off and just told me to go to a therapist. he said it was 100% the answer if i’m thinking about it so often. idk why it’s hard to actually do it.

i was in the middle of a rush making 6 large lattes man but i wanted to cry right then and there i’ve never had a grown man tell me to go to therapy. i could tell he cared. i could tell he was serious

just been thinking about this a lot lately and wanted to type it out

I feel surprisingly better today

One because I looked some s*** up which provided closure to something I’ve been feeling guilty about

Two because things have been good today. I’m still a little fragile but having a small network of people who cares goes a long way. I even said a prayer today.

Bring on some good vibes at work and we set.

And bang. Had a near breakdown yesterday. Called my mother and we chopped it up. She’s coming to see me next week.

Now on the mend

apparently its easy to overdose on lithum. why the f*** would u prescribe a bipolar person with a lethal d***

theres no real harm in therapy. its more a question of if u can afford the cost/time it takes and if thats worth it

i think theres no harm in trying it out, but not all therapists are a good match

having a s***ty panic atttack

u okay bro?

Yea im str8, thxs for askin

at some point it's just not funny do things alone

"do things alone don't wait!" ok but it's 10x times better when you do it w ppl you love

manik asf

max 4 hrs of sleep 3 days in a row

take care of yourself

Two things to remember.

Your past cannot be changed. Things you did in your formulative years are for learning from. It is what we do (and don't do) as adults that reinforce your moral compass.

I was a piece of s*** kid growing up. But I also learned the difference between right and wrong

You also cannot fix other people's problems.

Now reading about ACT

take your meds

iuuejegjeierjjrjrjrjruririrururruurufufjffjjfur

ACT is amazing. Worked on it with my therapist.

I really try not to think this way because I don’t want it to become an excuse or self-fulfilling prophecy but man I don’t think I’m built for this s***

i deadass be waking up in the middle of the night thinking im having a heart attack or im fading out of existence

these panic attacks suck fr

Been contemplating about smoking again…

Don’t think I would mind if I was skinned alive rn