walking so lioned

Month long simmering feeling of anxiety, got through it but still feel the need to do something risky/reckless.. not necessarily self destructive, thankfully

Just trying to make it to the weekend.

Finally decided to quit weed. Had to admit this s*** is holding me back. Always feel tired and with a foggy mind. Threw all my pot paraphernalia straight to the bin

Where did this hole in my heart come from

Had it ever since a child

Real

Been off weed for a month feel great

I havent seen my therapist this concerned about me in months if not longer

Im doing a lot of reckless s*** man

Weve lost too many heros to this path im on

Either suicide or OD

Seems like i need to change

my wife an angel fr
had a real heart to heart w her and she said "don't stay on this planet on account of me"
she the only one who knows even a fraction of the pain I have and gave me the grace to take my exit if I decide so
won't do anything rash. need to let this marinate. so many good things I could do
but I'm so tired

This is some heavy s***. I don't even know how to respond except I hope your situation improves.

yeah i dont really even know what im feeling yet
this the only place i can really talk about it
u tell ur therapist what ur rly feeling and u can end up in a ward, u tell ur family and they freak out, same with friends
weirdly enough i think i feel less suicidal? ive heard when some people order the d**** to end it all, the urge disappears and they begin to feel better. idk if its like that but im taking my time, lots of journaling and contemplation in the coming months

Put so much work in with therapy for like 2.5 years and got so much better.

Expecting a child nosed dive my progress so much lol

I’m constantly fearing I’m going to die and my health ocd has been through the roof for months aghhhhhhhh

too many bad drivers on the road today

i know it’s over

I wont allow it ur one of the only sane ppl on ktt

Societal collapse thread needs its rightful captain around

anyone here schizophrenic and has to take an injection every month?

who else on here has ocd? this s*** has been mental hell my whole life

yup... it's f***ing torture

wouldn't wish it on anybody
i feel your pain

genuinely makes me feel better knowing someone gets it bro thank you. I feel like it's one of the most difficult disorders to even articulate the quiet brutality of to people, sometimes I just think back on how much life I've wasted in thought loops, acting out compulsions, ruminating etc and it depresses me so bad

Me. Health variety is my main theme. Absolute torture most of my life. Therapy helped so much but I am in a bad space with it now. Trying to use my skills i learned but keep doing compulsions

Mental compulsions are so sneaky and you can do em without realizing

Body checking is easier to notice, but I’m pretty caught up in that right now

I’ve bruised myself before body checking. Made small marks worse, spent 1000s in medical bills, etc

I’m way better then before but like I said I’m in a bit of a rut with it now

trust me man I completely feel and understand you my body checking is insane too. it's given me extreme appetite/ed issues which sucks because i'm so active bodybuilding playing tennis running etc and none of it really changes it. and I had an amazing ocd specialist through my insurance network last year that I made great progress with but she transferred out 💔 I gotta go back regardless and not make that an excuse. also I feel you so much on that last part, sometimes it's just HELL when you're so consciously aware of the loops and mental checking it feels like you're just feeling your brain malfunction over and over. when I was younger it was mostly physical compulsions but now it's more mental than ever which is worse in some ways honestly, because I never feel any type of relief at all that I get marginally from acting out physical ones.

Yeah I feel all of that s***s so tough and treatment takes a lot of work. I found a good one too thankfully, but it took years to finally find someone who knew what to do and was able to help. Usually my ocd flairs up during big life changes and I’m experiencing one now with a kid on the way lol. So it’s been kicking my ass lately hard

It helps knowing there’s other people out there who understand but I’m sorry you have to go through it also such a tough disorder to deal with

sending all my blessings to you and your son that's a beautiful thing and ocd can't stop us from experiencing the best life has to offer. thanks for opening up with me it genuinely gave me some solace knowing you and bgfx both deal with it and get it, i almost never meet people irl that actually have it. s*** feels so isolating but i forget my situation isn't unique at all just because we're rare