it makes me cry on a weekly basis man. my heart goes out to you 💕

i wouldn't wish it upon my worst enemy

wish i had someone to talk to

Drogon has a speech impediment irl so linking up with others proves to be difficult.

As somebody not too well versed on this, what kind of compulsions do you deal with

what type of impediment like a lisp?

stammer/stutter

Alienated.

Does anyone else have those days where they don't speak at all? Whole day without using your vocal cords

weeks if i could

sometimes you just gotta go mute on niggas 😶🔇

i wish to never be perceived again

my fault I've taken so long getting back, I've tried to type this out multiple times without rambling or giving you a novel and it's not possible. the most simple way I can put it is there's physical and mental compulsions that come from mental obsession, and ocd takes a lot of forms that combine both to different extents and i've had multiple forms of it combined throughout my life. it's been a heavy mix of so many of them it feels reductive to list out specific ones like contamination OCD or scrupulosity I deal with because they sort of go in tandem with each other in a lot of ways. without getting too personal i've had some insanely embarrassing/disturbing compulsions but the more regular ones were physical like having to wash my hands a certain way for 15 minutes straight, getting up and touching something over and over, having to breathe a certain way over and over, having to touch faucets a certain way every time etc I could go on forever literally lol. so imagine this happening all day throughout your regular life. like hot pancakes said the body checking is torture too, just totally erodes your self esteem no matter how you look and it's so exhausting

mental ones are extreme rumination, thought loops that can go on weeks/months, having to think of the same memory over and over endlessly and way more s***. it's hard to articulate the mental side since it's been so deeply rooted in my mental process forever, it's basically an entirely different way of processing thoughts and emotions altogether. it's similar to the physical ones in that it's so trite and repetitive but there's never any relief from performing mental compulsions. sorry if I'm not articulating it too well, its really hard to fully explain outside of my own perspective still but this article does a really good job of explaining the mental side in relation to the observable physical side. I appreciate you asking!

treatmyocd.com/blog/mental-compulsions-the-unseen-battle

I'm sorry you have to go through that reality. It sounds like a nightmare. I'm guessing Cognitive Behavioral Therapy isn't enough and needs to be supplemented with something else?

thank you man and thanks for reading that it means alot. and I think so, the biggest progress I made was seeing a specialist which was basically an ocd focused CBT. also alot of people say ssris help too combined with CBT but ive been a bit resistant to trying them mostly cus of sides. im a lot more open to it now though

living back with my parents at 28 feels terrible i hate it

my brain goes thru a “u must isolate urself” phase many times a year

the outside world (or more accurately other people) is just wayyy too overwhelming. i'm fortunate to live around hills, streams, and forestry where i can escape.

same situation at 27

i pray we make it out

Not even the antidepressants can fix this absolutely s***ty day

I might be on the ace spectrum

This quote from Robert Jensen summarizes my relationship with s***and I guess the mating ritual in our culture through my teens and adult life

“I am afraid of s***as s***is defined by the dominant culture, as practiced all around me, and projected onto magazine pages, billboards, and movie screens. I am afraid of s***because I am afraid of domination, cruelty, violence, and death. I am afraid of s***because s***has hurt me and hurt lots of people I know, and because I have hurt others with s***in the past. I know that there are people out there who have been hurt by s***in ways that are beyond words, who have experienced a depth of pain that I will never fully understand m. And I know there are people who are dead because of sex. Yes, I am afraid of sex. How could I not be?”

Im sexually active on my own, use p***ography, etc… but in my sexual encounters throughout life there has been this undercurrent of discomfort, and an emptiness afterwards. As a male specifically, being beaten down over and over again by other men and society as a whole that I jeed to be pursuing s***has created this tension within me, as it is at odds with my relationship towards sex. It’s quite lonely because I don’t meet many other men that share this perspective

“I expect nothing, and I’m still let down”

Finally got my test done 🙌

Results look kinda bad 🥺

Might have some sort of surgery real soon.

my doctor asked if ive ever considered if im autistic

Prayers up, JaeRell.